Thursday, December 10, 2015
I confess that for the last few months I have been anything but a devout Catholic, not even attending mass since Summer. I had let the pain of my illness and mounting medical debts cause me to not exactly hate God, but to just kind of ignore Him, as I assumed He was ignoring me -- with my only prayers being "please let me not wake" or "why have You made such a waste of life as me?"
I even started sleeping past my usual 5:30 AM wake up, not really wishing to wake at all.
But I started to notice a weird little coincidence when I would roll over and look at the time, as almost every single day it would be exactly 6:46. At first this just gave me a little giggle, and I attributed it to my internal clock, as I have never really needed to set an alarm to get up at a desired time.
Monday 6:46 AM
Thursday 6:46 AM
Saturday 6:46 AM
and this continued until I finally started to think it was a lil' too weird, and finally one day I did a search for just that number 6:46
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ but not do what I command?" Luke 6:46
this was the only Bible verse that came up, and an extreme "snap out of it" slap in the face to me.
See, I had still been talking up my nonexistent faith to others, especially to folks who commented on my cane, but I was only an intellectual Christian, not the servant I once was.
I could explain the Inquisition(s) in detail, but I just couldn't seem to make it to daily mass or confession.
I could easily list all the reasons that Protestantism has failed, but I didn't even worship God in the simple way I did as a Protestant.
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ but not do what I command?"
Not only a verse, not merely a literal wake up call, but also a huge spotlight on what I had let myself become - and with that, a light shining on all that He wanted me to do.
So I went Adoration on Monday, and Confession yesterday, and look forward to Mass on Saturday and Sunday.
See, in case you forgot as I did, God NEVER gives up on us - even a worthless pile like me.
So, if you could say a prayer for me, for me to stay on track as His servant, and also that I someone make it through this dark financial and medical tunnel.