While I still wish most days that the cancer would come back and finish the job, it is more that there is little reason for my feeble existence and that I am so obviously out of place on this decaying rock, than the fact I am unhappy with life.
Finishing up a sales call the other day the contractor noticed my cane (I do my best to hide it from my boss and clients), and asked me why I had it. It seems he is going through some health issues dealing with not one, but two, helicopter crashes he was involved in while serving our country.
I thanked him for his sacrifice, and told him about my PLS, my false ALS scare, and the cancer that I should have let end me. His condition was a mass that had grown, is growing, around his spine, and that there is a chance the operation may leave him paralyzed, and that if so he’d put a bullet in his head.
“So you have no family?, I see a wedding ring”
“Yeah, wife and 2 kids, and 2 more from my first marriage” he replied
“So that their father and husband was a pussy - that’s the legacy you want to leave them?”
At this point I kinda thought this marine was gonna deck me.
But he just replied “no” and spoke of all the things he wouldn’t be able to do, with me replying “me neither” to many of his complaints.
“How much more would your family and friends respect a man who fights through all those things”
I then said two things (maybe should have said more)
You need to go volunteer at the V.A, and work with guys like you , but who don’t even have a home.
And, would you mind if I prayed for you?
Both seemed to humble him a bit, as they did me, and I do pray he finds strength to be an amazing example for those around him, and if anyone reads this, would you please pray for him too.
Yes, I also realize that this was a bit of the Holy Spirit speaking as much through me, as to me.