Wednesday, February 24, 2016
The pains in my chest, throat, and arm are becoming a constant, and each morning I am surprised when I wake. In the last week I have also been surprised with visits from a few different people from my past, making me think about those last episodes of a TV show where favorites from season 1 or 2 happen to show up. I am hoping that if this is God's way of wrapping up the story of my life (yeah, the last few seasons were pretty pathetic) then I pray that these old friends, and you who may find this silly blog one day, will continue to pray for me. If I make it to purgatory I will count my self blessed, but know that I have so much to be purified of that without your prayers I am in for a very long trial indeed.
Please pray for this silly unloveable fool. Thanks.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Sunday, February 7, 2016
If only I become one of the "few", instead of the "many"
"JESUS has always many who love His heavenly kingdom, but few who bear His cross. He has many who desire consolation, but few who care for trial. He finds many to share His table, but few to take part in His fasting. All desire to be happy with Him; few wish to suffer anything for Him. Many follow Him to the breaking of bread, but few to the drinking of the chalice of His passion. Many revere His miracles; few approach the shame of the Cross. Many love Him as long as they encounter no hardship; many praise and bless Him as long as they receive some comfort from Him. But if Jesus hides Himself and leaves them for a while, they fall either into complaints or into deep dejection. Those, on the contrary, who love Him for His own sake and not for any comfort of their own, bless Him in all trial and anguish of heart as well as in the bliss of consolation. Even if He should never give them consolation, yet they would continue to praise Him and wish always to give Him thanks. What power there is in pure love for Jesus -- love that is flee from all self-interest and self-love!"
Thomas a' Kempis
Monday, February 1, 2016
Chest pains and no health insurance equals another restless night wondering if it will be my last, wondering if I will soon see Jesus and whether He will allow me to come to Him or cast me to the place I know I deserve. Heaven is for those who love God, and I do not know if I love Him as I don't know if I am capable of love (I know He is worthy of all my love, but what if all my love is gone?).
Well, anyone who stumbles across this silly blog, please say a prayer for this worthless soul, that I may have a good death, and that our Lady will soon guide me to her Son.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
I confess that for the last few months I have been anything but a devout Catholic, not even attending mass since Summer. I had let the pain of my illness and mounting medical debts cause me to not exactly hate God, but to just kind of ignore Him, as I assumed He was ignoring me -- with my only prayers being "please let me not wake" or "why have You made such a waste of life as me?"
I even started sleeping past my usual 5:30 AM wake up, not really wishing to wake at all.
But I started to notice a weird little coincidence when I would roll over and look at the time, as almost every single day it would be exactly 6:46. At first this just gave me a little giggle, and I attributed it to my internal clock, as I have never really needed to set an alarm to get up at a desired time.
Monday 6:46 AM
Thursday 6:46 AM
Saturday 6:46 AM
and this continued until I finally started to think it was a lil' too weird, and finally one day I did a search for just that number 6:46
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ but not do what I command?" Luke 6:46
this was the only Bible verse that came up, and an extreme "snap out of it" slap in the face to me.
See, I had still been talking up my nonexistent faith to others, especially to folks who commented on my cane, but I was only an intellectual Christian, not the servant I once was.
I could explain the Inquisition(s) in detail, but I just couldn't seem to make it to mass of confession.
I could easily list all the reasons that Protestantism has failed, but I didn't even worship God in the simple way I did as a Protestant.
“Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ but not do what I command?"
Not only a verse, not merely a literal wake up call, but also a huge spotlight on what I had let myself become - and with that, a light shining on all that He wanted me to do.
So I went Adoration on Monday, and Confession yesterday, and look forward to Mass on Saturday and Sunday.
See, in case you forgot as I did, God NEVER gives up on us - even a worthless pile like me.
So, if you could say a prayer for me, for me to stay on track as His servant, and also that I someone make it through this dark financial and medical tunnel.
My address is P.O.Box 222
Myersville, MD 21773
(if anyone wishes to help out a little)
Monday, October 26, 2015
"Love is NOT a feeling, but a decision
not an emotion, but a promise.
To say "I Love You" is to say
"I will take nails in my hand,
rather than see your soul damaged"
The sad fact is that often
when we see those nails in our hands,
it is the beloved who is holding the hammer.
But Jesus reminds us
that we are to take away only the hammer,
not the Love!"
Monday, April 6, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Today it is Christians
who are being
fired or blacklisted,
sued or fined,
arrested or legally threatened
. . . and people still think
it's folks with same sex attraction
that are being discriminated against?