Sunday, November 4, 2018

Goodbye


Homeless like Jesus?

.
Homeless like Jesus is what I keep trying to tell myself on this my last day with a home.


Went to local gas station to buy a cup of coffee (already threw my coffee maker in the trash with the rest of my stuff), and some of the regulars were talking about what they'd do if they won the lottery - cars, house, an island - and one said to me "how 'bout you?"


I laughed at the absurdity of his timing and replied

"just be happy to not have to live in my car, heck, and maybe become a Deacon and help others without a home . . . but yeah, a new car would be nice too"


guessing they are still shaking their heads, but hopefully they might be thankful tonight for their own roof and family and job and those other things folks take for granted that losers like me don't/won't ever have
.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Trust & . . .

.
.
Jesus, I trust in you!


Happy, sad, or angry as all get out, but Jesus, I trust in you

.

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

Mom to the rescue

.
While I know that the HPV cancer was my punishment and/or penance for not remaining chaste many years ago when I was engaged, it doesn’t stop me from being a lil’ angry at a God who seems to like to kick me when I’m down . . . Kick, punch, spit on . . . It’s obvious He doesn’t like this worthless ol’ butthead, as I feel like the mouse the cat spends all day slowly ripping apart instead of killing outright.

But in any family, it’s nice to have a Mother who’s always their to listen and comfort, especially when we aren’t on speaking terms with our dad or siblings. Mom might not be able to change dad’s punishment/anger, but she’s there to stop the crying after we get back from the wood shed. Even on the days it feels God’s ears are As deaf as He made my own mother’s , I still know Mary is listening, and hopefully asking for clemency.

This new perspective, and added, unorthodox, reason to be thankful for Christ’s gift of a new mother almost makes it worth the hell I am enduring.

 I don’t blame God for His contempt for me, as it is one of the few universal opinions I agree with, but I still can’t forgive Him for not allowing me to die. . .for this continued cable TV version of JOB.
.

Monday, August 27, 2018

Future's End

.
my p
ast and present demonstrates a lack of  future

sorry to folks who attempted to help this worthless boy.

 and anyone who stumbles across this, please pray for a heart attack before I’m evicted
.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Body and Soul

.
Will gladly take cancer of the body
over cancer of what’s left of my soul
. . . . Oh angel of death please come soon!

.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Forgo Treatment/Embrace Heaven

.
I still haven't found a new job, lost my car insurance, and will lose my vehicle in a week, my house in a month.

A tip, if you are single and in your 50s and get cancer, just let it take you - the dying isn't any more painful than the treatment, and at the end you may get heaven instead of this hell.

prayin' for a heart attack or the cancer to return
.

.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

True change vs. worldly trend

.
The media or Hollywood or this talking head or that - demands change in the church, but they do not understand that we are the church of change!

Through the church a sinner can change into a Saint, changes one who takes into one who gives, through the church the hopeless change into the hopeful and through the church the unlovable change into the loved.

For we ARE the church of change, but they are the church of trend.
.

Friday, February 16, 2018

The choice is love

.
A wonderful Story of loving, of adoption as all of of are adopted, and a campaign to offset the many expenses - please give what you can, and maybe a little more (O:
https://thecatholictable.com/2018/02/13/the-power-of-a-name/
.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

A Walking Proof

.
Will be creating a NEW blog to focus completely on, what I hope is, God's mission for me now, to show the extensive damage which has come from our contraceptive culture.

The cancer was caused by HPV, a virus that even my doctors make the defeatist comment "oh, everyone has it by now" instead of maybe actually admitting that casual sex is a lie straight outta hell. Sure the docs and media want folks to get a vaccination, because it is unimaginable to them that people live lives of chastity, even though it was only fifty years ago we could count the number of STDs on one hand, whereas now there are over 30.


Not only do I have to wonder now if the cancer will return, but also which of my friends or family will be the next to go through this.

https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/silent-epidemic-cancer-spreading-among-men-n811466

.

Friday, September 1, 2017

All things New

.

I have mentioned the medieval torture device I get to wear as I am strapped down for 10 minutes during treatment 5 days a week, and my bizarre notion to want to not only keep it, but turn it into art and frame it.

the chemo causes me to have a bit of insomnia, which has actually produced some pretty clever ideas , with one being the "how" of decorating this thing which is, God willing, saving my life.

I am going to take photos of all the incredibly wonderful staff who has been part of my treatment and then decoupage the photos onto the masque. So instead of the torture device, I will see, and can remember to pray for, the folks who have given me such great and compassionate care.
.

Saturday, August 26, 2017

Offering it up ain't always easy

        .
I whined about my notso great day yesterday when I should have been lifting up that suffering and appreciating the good I saw.

One of my favorite club members got to ring the Last Day Bell, and his whole family came to watch. I am actually gonna miss seeing him, but yet so happy I won't and glad he's home and starting the recovery (even after treatment the effects can last a month or more, and one woman told me her taste took a year to return . . . 'course I said "I'm from Balwmer, so I aint never had any taste (O: )

Then before I left Hopkins, after being their for 8 hours, I met a quiet couple about my age, the women looking pretty worn down, and I while I usually chat folks up I left them alone. When the wife went to the rest room I just starting a chat with the husband about where they are from and thank God it's the weekend.
He talked for a while and I even saw him smile a little, but then he told me that they said he will soon be losing his wife of 24 years. I merely said I was truly sorry. His wife came back and they left, with my horrific day put very much into perspective.

While I of course immediately started to pray for them, I didn't tell them I would, I was too worried about offending them that I didn't say that simple little phrase I normal spout "
"if you don't mind, I will be praying for you"

and I hope some of you will take a knee for them now.

If you pray for me, be it a prayer that I will be His light as much as possible when I am there . . .I can suffer, I can go through all this crap, but I just need help is the strength to stop being a whiny lil' wimp and instead carry that Love that I have so undeservedly been giving to everyone I meet.
thanks and God bless!
.
 

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Santa Rosa

.
"Apart from the cross
there is no other ladder
by which we may get to heaven.
"
Saint Rose of Lima
.

Grace comes after Suffering

.
“If only mortals would learn how great it is to possess divine grace, how beautiful, how noble, how precious. How many riches it hides within itself, how many joys and delights!
Without doubt they would devote all their care and concern to winning for themselves pains and afflictions. All men throughout the world would seek trouble, infirmities and torments, instead of good fortune, in order to attain the unfathomable treasure of grace.
This is the reward and the final gain of patience.
No one would complain about his cross or about troubles that may happen to him, if he would come to know the scales on which they are weighed when they are distributed to men."
Saint Rose of Lima
.