Monday, July 31, 2017

Medicine for Salvation

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"Let us understand that God is a physician, and that suffering is a medicine for salvation, not a punishment for damnation."
St. Augustine

One of my customers said "with all you are going through, I don't see how you can believe in God"

"Truth doesn't change with situations, truth is truth, 4+4=8 regardless if I have cancer or win the lottery, so the same God is God"

Than I asked " if yer son needed an injection to save his life,but hated needles, wouldn't you still let the doctor give him the shot and worry about the tears later?"

"of course"

"Well, looking at my situation through the eyes of eternity I see that this evil terrible thing I am going through will be thought of as nothing but a pinprick if I even remember it once I am there"

Sadly, as most people are want to when faced with reason, she than changed the subject to religion and suicide bombers, to which I said my usual retort

"Writing off all religion because of the evil actions from one is as silly as writing off all of science because of Hiroshima"
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Sunday, July 23, 2017

All Choked Up

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The cancer is slowly blocking my air passageways, and I regularly am jostled awake by the feeling of choking. Determining to not seek treatment probably has no bearing at this point as Hopkins has been dragging their feet, when they aren't forgetting to tell me about appointments or ignoring me when I mention I'm coughing up blood. Death might come soon, most likely by suffocation, and I really just don't care.
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Sunday, July 9, 2017

Rejoice in My Sufferings . . . .

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"Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake,
and in my flesh I am filling up
what is lacking 

in the afflictions of Christ
on behalf of his body, 

which is the Church"

I am so thankful for the teaching on redemptive suffering - that what I am going through - what I soon will be going through - can be used for His glory and for His children - that suffering offered up has purpose - I thank and praise God for this!

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Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Perhaps a Miracle

Cancer Sucks!, but I am thankful that my faith, and the Author of my faith, will walk each step with me. I know that I neither need or deserve a miracle (the Lord has my heart either way), but if one were to happen it would be my hope that it could be attributed to someone worthy of canonization, in particular Dorothy Day.

So I ask all my friends, in humility, to daily ask this holy woman to pray for me, thanks and God bless!
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Monday, June 26, 2017

Casa Monk for the Summer

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Subletting my house for the Summer while I go through radiation and Chemo, if anyone knows someone visiting the area, or that might need a temporary place while looking for a long term home.
*pics in ad


https://washingtondc.craigslist.org/mld/sub/6192684800.html


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Saturday, June 24, 2017

File Under : Yep, He's from Bawlmer

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Hopkins Doc. : You are also going to need a speech therapist
Me: So, I will have trouble talking?
Hopkins Doc: Maybe a little at first
Me: Will I be able to sing in the choir
Hopkins Doc: If all works as it should, of course
Me: that's great, cause they never let me sing before (O:
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Thursday, June 22, 2017

File Under : a lil' perspective.

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While waiting in line at the Oncologist at Hopkins today there was a young boy in front of me
. . . A boy of about 12 or 13
. . . a young boy with Downs, with leg braces, with cancer
. . .he also had a wonderful smile
. . . So how dare I not smile as well.
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Monday, June 19, 2017

He has known all our suffering

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Pet/Scan next week and meet with Oncologist at Johns Hopkins.
Sickness, suffering, death, whatever
. . . I am blessed to serve the God who
(to poorly paraphrase Jesus)
"Been there, done that, conquered that Sh*t"
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Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Never alone

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We speak so often
of Christ's suffering for us
that I fear we forget
that because of that act
each time we suffer
He truly suffers with us

and that is good news indeed!

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Monday, February 15, 2016

Cross or crosses


"To follow Christ
means to take up our Cross
and to suffer,
but the odd thing is
that as we take up the Cross
that He has chosen for us,
all the crosses of our own making
start to fall away".

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Sunday, February 7, 2016

One of the Few or One of the Many?


If only I become one of the "few", instead of the "many"

"JESUS has always many who love His heavenly kingdom, but few who bear His cross. He has many who desire consolation, but few who care for trial. He finds many to share His table, but few to take part in His fasting. All desire to be happy with Him; few wish to suffer anything for Him. Many follow Him to the breaking of bread, but few to the drinking of the chalice of His passion. Many revere His miracles; few approach the shame of the Cross. Many love Him as long as they encounter no hardship; many praise and bless Him as long as they receive some comfort from Him. But if Jesus hides Himself and leaves them for a while, they fall either into complaints or into deep dejection. Those, on the contrary, who love Him for His own sake and not for any comfort of their own, bless Him in all trial and anguish of heart as well as in the bliss of consolation. Even if He should never give them consolation, yet they would continue to praise Him and wish always to give Him thanks. What power there is in pure love for Jesus -- love that is flee from all self-interest and self-love!"

Thomas a' Kempis

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Alarming Situation


I confess that for the last few months I have been anything but a devout Catholic, not even attending mass since Summer. I had let the pain of my illness and mounting medical debts cause me to not exactly hate God, but to just kind of ignore Him, as I assumed He was ignoring me  --  with my only prayers being "please let me not wake" or "why have You made such a waste of life as me?"

I even started sleeping past my usual 5:30 AM wake up, not really wishing to wake at all.

But I started to notice a weird little coincidence when I would roll over and look at the time, as almost every single day it would be exactly 6:46. At first this just gave me a little giggle, and I attributed it to my internal clock, as I have never really needed to set an alarm to get up at a desired time.

Monday 6:46 AM

Thursday 6:46 AM

Saturday 6:46 AM

and this continued until I finally started to think it was a lil' too weird, and finally one day I did a search for just that number 6:46

Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ but not do what I command?" Luke 6:46

this was the only Bible verse that came up, and an extreme "snap out of it" slap in the face to me.


See, I had still been talking up my nonexistent faith to others, especially to folks who commented on my cane, but I was only an intellectual Christian, not the servant I once was.


I could explain the Inquisition(s) in detail, but I just couldn't seem to make it to daily mass or confession.


I could easily list all the reasons that Protestantism has failed, but I didn't even worship God in the simple way I did as a Protestant.



Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ but not do what I command?"

Not only a verse, not merely a literal wake up call, but also a huge spotlight on what I had let myself become - and with that, a light shining on all that He wanted me to do.

So I went Adoration on Monday, and Confession yesterday, and look forward to Mass on Saturday and Sunday.


See, in case you forgot as I did, God NEVER gives up on us - even a worthless pile like me.

So, if you could say a prayer for me, for me to stay on track as His servant, and also that I someone make it through this dark financial and medical tunnel.






Monday, October 26, 2015

Hooked on a Feelin'



"Love is NOT a feeling, but a decision
  not an emotion, but a promise.


To say "I Love You" is to say
"I will take nails in my hand,
rather than see your soul damaged"


The sad fact is that often
when we see those nails in our hands,
it is the beloved who is holding the hammer.

But Jesus reminds us
that we are to take away only the hammer,
                                                                   not the Love!"



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