Sick of Myself

..
As I listened to this song this morning, it's lyrics made me think of the truth of my inherent need to venture forth out of my selfish state into the reality of community.
For truly, it is only when I am outside of myself that I can love as God would have me

"Hell is a state of mind—ye never said a truer word. And every state of mind, left to itself, every shutting up of the creature within the dungeon of its own mind—is, in the end, Hell. But Heaven is not a state of mind. Heaven is reality itself. All that is fully real is Heavenly. For all that can be shaken will be shaken and only the unshakable remains.”
C. .S Lewis - The Great Divorce

So often, as I look up at the outside crucifix at my church, I am at once "sick of myself" but it also "keeps my hope alive", for unlike most of the world, I do not hope in myself.

"You don't know how you move me
Deconstruct me
And consume me
I'm all used up
I'm out of luck
I am starstruck
By something in your eyes
that is keeping my hope alive

But I'm sick of myself
when I look at you
Something is beautiful and true
In a world that's ugly and a lie
Its hard to even want to try"
.