Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Friday, August 29, 2014
File Under : A Protestant explains Protestantism
.
"Much of our difficulty
"Much of our difficulty
as seeking Christians
stems from our unwillingness
to take God as He is
and adjust our lives accordingly.
We insist upon
trying to modify Him
and bring Him
nearer to our own image".
nearer to our own image".
A. W. Tozer
.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Why Christ Gave us One Church
"But I am afraid that,
as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning,
your thoughts may be corrupted
from a sincere [and pure]
commitment to Christ.
as the serpent deceived Eve by his cunning,
your thoughts may be corrupted
from a sincere [and pure]
commitment to Christ.
For if someone comes and preaches another Jesus
than the one we preached,
or if you receive a different spirit
from the one you received
or a different gospel
from the one you accepted,
you put up with it well enough"
2 Cor 3-4
"The time is sure to come
when people will not accept sound teaching,
but their ears will be itching for anything new
and they will collect themselves
a whole series of teachers
according to their own tastes;
and then they will shut their ears to the truth
and will turn to myths"
but their ears will be itching for anything new
and they will collect themselves
a whole series of teachers
according to their own tastes;
and then they will shut their ears to the truth
and will turn to myths"
2 Timothy 4:3-4
.
.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
No Plan B
.
There is a very simple way to end abortion, to eliminate pornography, to halt the Pink gestapo,
a very simple way to feed the poor, to care for the sick, to clothed the naked,
yes a very simple way,
If all Christians, in humility,
merely shed themselves of their denomination or non-denomination,
and united themselves to the One church that Christ started, . . . for Christ only gave us one church
One visible city on a hill to give hope to a hopeless world.
One united voice to say loudly
yes, so simple a solution,
but also difficult,
for we have not chosen our churches while seeking truth,
but too often while seeking our own prideful opinions.
We sadly serve our pride much more than we serve God.
We have stopped letting God define us,
and started to define God
by what this disease ridden world tells us is acceptable
To be a Christian is to pray with Christ "Let them be One"
and as Rich Mullins once said
"What I think is scary about God is He didn't come up with any 'plan B.'
That He left the church here, and the church is the only group of people and the church is the only institution in the world that can bring about a change. This government cannot do it, so stop depending on the government. Educational systems cannot do it, so stop trusting educational systems. The church was chosen by God to make a difference."
.
There is a very simple way to end abortion, to eliminate pornography, to halt the Pink gestapo,
a very simple way to feed the poor, to care for the sick, to clothed the naked,
yes a very simple way,
If all Christians, in humility,
merely shed themselves of their denomination or non-denomination,
and united themselves to the One church that Christ started, . . . for Christ only gave us one church
One visible city on a hill to give hope to a hopeless world.
One united voice to say loudly
"Stop!"
to the insanity around usyes, so simple a solution,
but also difficult,
for we have not chosen our churches while seeking truth,
but too often while seeking our own prideful opinions.
We sadly serve our pride much more than we serve God.
We have stopped letting God define us,
and started to define God
by what this disease ridden world tells us is acceptable
To be a Christian is to pray with Christ "Let them be One"
and as Rich Mullins once said
"What I think is scary about God is He didn't come up with any 'plan B.'
That He left the church here, and the church is the only group of people and the church is the only institution in the world that can bring about a change. This government cannot do it, so stop depending on the government. Educational systems cannot do it, so stop trusting educational systems. The church was chosen by God to make a difference."
.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Sheen Shine
.
“The Beatitudes cannot be taken alone: they are not ideals; they are hard facts and realities inseparable from the Cross of Calvary. What He taught was self-crucifixion: to love those who hate us; to pluck out eyes and cut off arms in order to prevent sinning; to be clean on the inside when the passions clamor for satisfaction on the outside; to forgive those who would put us to death; to overcome evil with good; to bless those who curse us; to stop mouthing freedom until we have justice, truth and love of God in our hearts as the condition of freedom; to live in the world and still keep oneself unpolluted from it; to deny ourselves sometimes legitimate pleasures in order the better to crucify our egotism – all this is to sentence the old man in us to death.”
“The Beatitudes cannot be taken alone: they are not ideals; they are hard facts and realities inseparable from the Cross of Calvary. What He taught was self-crucifixion: to love those who hate us; to pluck out eyes and cut off arms in order to prevent sinning; to be clean on the inside when the passions clamor for satisfaction on the outside; to forgive those who would put us to death; to overcome evil with good; to bless those who curse us; to stop mouthing freedom until we have justice, truth and love of God in our hearts as the condition of freedom; to live in the world and still keep oneself unpolluted from it; to deny ourselves sometimes legitimate pleasures in order the better to crucify our egotism – all this is to sentence the old man in us to death.”
Archbishop Fulton Sheen (Life of Christ)
.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Poor Box Coffee
.
Ever since Starbucks announced officially their backing of the insanity of same sex so-called marriage, I have started the habit of taking that $2 a day I once would have given them and placing it in the poor box after daily Mass.
Now that Target has also decided to lift a middle finger to it's right minded customers I will have to think of something else I can do with the few thousand dollars I once spent there annually.
The Pink Gestapo will win on Earth, but thankfully my treasure is stored above.
.
Now that Target has also decided to lift a middle finger to it's right minded customers I will have to think of something else I can do with the few thousand dollars I once spent there annually.
The Pink Gestapo will win on Earth, but thankfully my treasure is stored above.
.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Monday, July 21, 2014
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Friday, July 4, 2014
Monday, May 26, 2014
love only that which they defend
.
“War must be,
while we defend our lives
against a destroyer
who would
devour all;
but I do not love
the bright sword for its sharpness,
nor
the arrow for its swiftness,
nor the warrior for his glory.
I love only
that which they defend.”
(J. R. R. Tolkien,
Faramir in The Lord of the
Rings – The Two Towers)
.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Sunday, May 11, 2014
If they only had a brain, they would have a Mother
.
"It is not surprising
that the same
twisted logic
twisted logic
that accepts the Bible,
but not the infallible instrument
(the Church)
by which Christ
gave the scriptures to us;
gave the scriptures to us;
.
produces also the
prideful arrogance
prideful arrogance
which ignores the immaculate person
(Mary, Mother of God)
by which the Father
brought us
the Son".
the Son".
.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Being the Voice for those who cannot speak
.
"If you still support pro-abortion businesses, have never even attempted to go the March for Life, and only tell other Pro-lifers you are Pro-life ; then are you any different from the nice Christians who lived near Auschwitz, who could smell the stench of death, and only reacted by buying bigger fans to blow the smell from their own nice little house? "
.
"If you still support pro-abortion businesses, have never even attempted to go the March for Life, and only tell other Pro-lifers you are Pro-life ; then are you any different from the nice Christians who lived near Auschwitz, who could smell the stench of death, and only reacted by buying bigger fans to blow the smell from their own nice little house? "
.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Cosmos Explained
.
Those Who Can
Do
Those Who Can't
Teach
Teach
Those Who Can't Teach.
Pimp themselves out
to
Seth McFarlane
.Seth McFarlane
Monday, March 17, 2014
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Channeling my inner bumpersticker
.
"A fool is not the man
who does not know the answer,
but the man who never asks the question"
.
"A fool is not the man
who does not know the answer,
but the man who never asks the question"
.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Truth over "Cosmos"
.
Seems Neil DeGrasse Tyson's likes to sound important, but what he doesn't like are pesky things like facts. Like other dishonest celebrities like Bill Nye and Richard Dawkins, ol' Neil seems to ignore lil' things like how it was a Catholic priest who had came up with the basic idea that would become the Big Bang Theory.
Here is a nice article by Tony Rossi on Cosmos, last night's Dan Brown meets Pop Science anti-Catholic propaganda from Fox
Seems Neil DeGrasse Tyson's likes to sound important, but what he doesn't like are pesky things like facts. Like other dishonest celebrities like Bill Nye and Richard Dawkins, ol' Neil seems to ignore lil' things like how it was a Catholic priest who had came up with the basic idea that would become the Big Bang Theory.
Here is a nice article by Tony Rossi on Cosmos, last night's Dan Brown meets Pop Science anti-Catholic propaganda from Fox
“Cosmos” May Get Science Right,
But It Gets Church History Wrong
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Give up Pride for Lent
.
If all Christians gave up pride for Lent,
and for the next 54 days
truly asked Christ daily in prayer,
and in study,
to show them to which Church they should belong,
me thinks Christendom would be again fully restored
. . . but it starts with the laying down of pride.
If all Christians gave up pride for Lent,
and for the next 54 days
truly asked Christ daily in prayer,
and in study,
to show them to which Church they should belong,
me thinks Christendom would be again fully restored
. . . but it starts with the laying down of pride.
“I pray not only for them,
but also
for those who will believe in me through their word,
so that they may all be ONE,
as you, Father, are in Me and I in you,
that they also may be in Us,
that the world may believe that you sent Me.
And I have given them the glory you gave Me,
so that they may be ONE,
as we are ONE."
. Sunday, March 2, 2014
Let them eat Cake . . . or else
.
.
In Related News : A local Kosher bakery refused to make a swastika shaped cake for an Indian wedding.
.
In Related News : A local Kosher bakery refused to make a swastika shaped cake for an Indian wedding.
.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Per Day people, not Per Year
.
"Everyone of us needs
half an hour of prayer each day,
except when we are busy
then we need an hour."
St. Francis de Sales
half an hour of prayer each day,
except when we are busy
then we need an hour."
St. Francis de Sales
.
.
Friday, February 28, 2014
True Contrition
.
The truly contrite heart would never proclaim
"I don't need to confess my sins to a Priest"
"I don't need to confess my sins to a Priest"
but rather say
"Confessing my sins to a Priest
doesn't really feel like enough
. . . but I thank God that it is!"
"Confessing my sins to a Priest
doesn't really feel like enough
. . . but I thank God that it is!"
.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Ask and I did Receive
.
While I can speak of the historical and Biblical evidence that proves the Truth of the Catholic Church and that disproves all the Protestant heresies, the real reason that I became Catholic was that I merely asked, and asked often, "Dear God, what would you have me be, Catholic or Protestant?"
After many many years of asking God simply answered my humble prayer, and I wonder what the world might be like if everyone could show the humility to pray that same prayer?
..
While I can speak of the historical and Biblical evidence that proves the Truth of the Catholic Church and that disproves all the Protestant heresies, the real reason that I became Catholic was that I merely asked, and asked often, "Dear God, what would you have me be, Catholic or Protestant?"
After many many years of asking God simply answered my humble prayer, and I wonder what the world might be like if everyone could show the humility to pray that same prayer?
..
Friday, February 21, 2014
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
. . . and than there is the rest of us
.
"The whole modern world
has divided itself into
Conservatives and
Progressives.
The business of Progressives
is to go on making mistakes.
The business of the Conservatives
is to prevent the mistakes
from being
corrected."
G K Chesterton
.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Homosexuality vs Contraception
.
While I am a son of the Church, and accept all her teaching as I know they come from Christ, I must admit that I have more compassion for my Christian friends with same sex attraction than I do for married Christians who use contraception - and dare say I find the latter rather contemptible.
I do not know the interior life of a Christian with same sex attraction, only that it is a continuing struggle. Is it natural? Is it psychological? I only know that the Church teaches that a homosexual act is a sin, just as a heterosexual couple using contraception is a sin . . . and that both teachings are very Biblical.
The difference for me is that I can see how difficult being a Gay Christian can be. To desire a partner for life, to desire intimacy, to want a hand to hold when life is too much - this I can understand and feel empathy for.
The married Christian who uses contraception is another story, as they have the partner, the intimacy, the hand to hold - yet somehow think that marriage is merely a way for Christians to "get busy" and it not be a sin - to selfishly use God's gift of sexuality (and selfishly using their spouse). They are actually making the same-sex marriage case that marriage is about the couple, instead of the traditional view that it is the safe foundation for children. Sure, many might not be financially or medically able to have children at a certain time, and that is why the Church has no problem with the God given birth control method of NFP (Natural Family Planning). A method that has been proven again and again to be better mentally and physically for the couple - which the divorce rate among couples who use NFP to be in the single digits (as opposed to almost 50% for Christian couples using artificial birth control).
Granted, most of the reasons Christians (Protestant or Catholic) give for contraception rarely deal with financial or medical hardships, unless saving for a new Volvo or keeping in bikini shape is considered a hardship. Both the Protestant and the Catholic are equally sinning in this - and most of all - are announcing that they do NOT really trust God, nor think He should have any say in how big their family is.
Protestants might complain that it is only Catholic teaching that says contraception is mortal sin, but that is merely because when their leaders condemned birth control in the early 20th century, good Protestants did what they always do when they disagree with their church's teaching - they find another church who will agree with them (sadly, a lot of Catholics followed suit and became Protestant). A pastor without authority is basically a shepherd without his rod and staff - he cannot lead nor protect - merely talk to whoever feels like listening, and wave goodbye when they don't.
There are actually as many passages of scripture that condemn contraception as there are ones that forbid homosexual acts. The difference is that the Bible basically starts by commanding God's people to "Go forth and multiply" and never changes on that simple requirement.
No Christian has EVER given me a Biblical reason for contraception, nor has told me how it benefits God or the Kingdom (well, because it doesn't).
So, basically my heart and prayers go out to people with same sex attraction, as like me, they desire someone to love and be loved by - and also like me, they sometimes forget that they already have that in the One who came and died for all.
The married couple who contracept I pray for too, as well as pity, for they have both God and and a partner, but mock God in their selfishness, a trendy and immature witness to the world.
.
While I am a son of the Church, and accept all her teaching as I know they come from Christ, I must admit that I have more compassion for my Christian friends with same sex attraction than I do for married Christians who use contraception - and dare say I find the latter rather contemptible.
I do not know the interior life of a Christian with same sex attraction, only that it is a continuing struggle. Is it natural? Is it psychological? I only know that the Church teaches that a homosexual act is a sin, just as a heterosexual couple using contraception is a sin . . . and that both teachings are very Biblical.
The difference for me is that I can see how difficult being a Gay Christian can be. To desire a partner for life, to desire intimacy, to want a hand to hold when life is too much - this I can understand and feel empathy for.
The married Christian who uses contraception is another story, as they have the partner, the intimacy, the hand to hold - yet somehow think that marriage is merely a way for Christians to "get busy" and it not be a sin - to selfishly use God's gift of sexuality (and selfishly using their spouse). They are actually making the same-sex marriage case that marriage is about the couple, instead of the traditional view that it is the safe foundation for children. Sure, many might not be financially or medically able to have children at a certain time, and that is why the Church has no problem with the God given birth control method of NFP (Natural Family Planning). A method that has been proven again and again to be better mentally and physically for the couple - which the divorce rate among couples who use NFP to be in the single digits (as opposed to almost 50% for Christian couples using artificial birth control).
Granted, most of the reasons Christians (Protestant or Catholic) give for contraception rarely deal with financial or medical hardships, unless saving for a new Volvo or keeping in bikini shape is considered a hardship. Both the Protestant and the Catholic are equally sinning in this - and most of all - are announcing that they do NOT really trust God, nor think He should have any say in how big their family is.
Protestants might complain that it is only Catholic teaching that says contraception is mortal sin, but that is merely because when their leaders condemned birth control in the early 20th century, good Protestants did what they always do when they disagree with their church's teaching - they find another church who will agree with them (sadly, a lot of Catholics followed suit and became Protestant). A pastor without authority is basically a shepherd without his rod and staff - he cannot lead nor protect - merely talk to whoever feels like listening, and wave goodbye when they don't.
There are actually as many passages of scripture that condemn contraception as there are ones that forbid homosexual acts. The difference is that the Bible basically starts by commanding God's people to "Go forth and multiply" and never changes on that simple requirement.
No Christian has EVER given me a Biblical reason for contraception, nor has told me how it benefits God or the Kingdom (well, because it doesn't).
So, basically my heart and prayers go out to people with same sex attraction, as like me, they desire someone to love and be loved by - and also like me, they sometimes forget that they already have that in the One who came and died for all.
The married couple who contracept I pray for too, as well as pity, for they have both God and and a partner, but mock God in their selfishness, a trendy and immature witness to the world.
.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Abortion Scouts?
.
Girl Scouts Join Planned Parenthood at Huge Pro-Abortion Conference
Girl Scouts Join Planned Parenthood at Huge Pro-Abortion Conference
Read article here
Besides the fact that Planned Parenthood was founded by a woman who spoke at a KKK rally and who cared more about stopping the spread of human weeds (her term for blacks and immigrants), no orginzation has done more to destroy the diginty of women than this group
. . . unless of course you think turning girls into sex toys and mothers into murderers somehow helps women.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Why I became Catholic #23
.
While both exclaim Jesus publicly
At the very heart of
Catholic teaching is always
At the very heart of
Catholic teaching is always
HE
and than
WE
but
the heart of Protestantism
is always
the heart of Protestantism
is always
Me,
Me,
Me
.
Me,
Me
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Atheism is for Wussies
.
"The majority of people who consider themselves Atheist do so not because they have sincerely sought Truth, but because if found that Truth might force them to adapt a more solid, and hence difficult, morality.
If to be an Atheist meant a much more demanding form of morality than Christianity, me thinks the pews on Sunday would suddenly be filled with ex-Atheists"
.
"The majority of people who consider themselves Atheist do so not because they have sincerely sought Truth, but because if found that Truth might force them to adapt a more solid, and hence difficult, morality.
If to be an Atheist meant a much more demanding form of morality than Christianity, me thinks the pews on Sunday would suddenly be filled with ex-Atheists"
.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Same Mentality of Self
.
"Abortion and Contraception
are two sides
of the same anti-life coin,
minted here
are two sides
of the same anti-life coin,
minted here
by the Culture of Death"
.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Science AND Religion
.
While Celebrity bigots like Dan Brown or Richard Dawkins pretend that Science and Religion are opposed to one another, Brother Guy demonstrates their folly and more in this wonderful video.
.
.
While Celebrity bigots like Dan Brown or Richard Dawkins pretend that Science and Religion are opposed to one another, Brother Guy demonstrates their folly and more in this wonderful video.
.
.
Friday, January 24, 2014
DeSales on setting Sail
.
"Have Jesus always for your patron,
His Cross for a mast
on which you
must spread your resolutions as a sail.
Your anchor shall be
a profound
confidence in Him,
and you shall sail prosperously.”
.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Dear Andrew Cuomo
.
"Dear Mr. Coumo, while you have sadly fallen into some arrogant and bigoted ideas, we welcome you to join us in the March for Life today.
This will not help you gain votes, but the vast numbers of people marching in below freezing temps may just help to remind you that heart of this country beats the strongest among the people of God,
God bless you, we are praying for you,
michael"
.
"Dear Mr. Coumo, while you have sadly fallen into some arrogant and bigoted ideas, we welcome you to join us in the March for Life today.
This will not help you gain votes, but the vast numbers of people marching in below freezing temps may just help to remind you that heart of this country beats the strongest among the people of God,
God bless you, we are praying for you,
michael"
.
Real Value
.
“All life has inestimable value
even the weakest and most vulnerable,
the sick, the old, the unborn and
the poor,
are masterpieces of God’s creation,
made in his own image,
destined to live forever,
and deserving
of the utmost reverence
and
respect.”
Pope Francis -7/28/13
.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Confession
.
"Some are blessed
with the knowledge
with the knowledge
that the
Sacrament of Reconciliation
is a gift,
just as they are blessed
to know
to know
that their penance
is also a
great gift "
great gift "
.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
Let the Little Children Lead
.
I was lucky enough to be introduced to this lil' saint my last trip to Italy, back in '07.
May my prayers be as innocent and true and bold as those of this lovely child.
"Dear Jesus the Crucified I love You so much I love You so I want to stay with You on the Calvary and I suffer with joy because I know I'm on the Calvary. Dear Jesus. I thank You for having sent me this illness because it is a means to get to Paradise. Dear Jesus tell God the Father that I love Him, too. Dear Jesus I want to be Your lamp and Your lily dear Jesus. Dear Jesus give me the strength to bear this pain I offer You for the sinners. Dear Jesus tell the Holy Spirit to enlighten me with love and fill me with Its seven gifts. Dear Jesus tell sweet Virgin Mary that I love Her so much and I want to stay with Her on the Calvary because I want to be Your victim of love dear Jesus. Dear Jesus I entrust my father confessor to You and grant him every necessary favour. Dear Jesus I entrust my parents and my sister Margherita to You. Dear Jesus
Greetings and kisses Antonietta of Jesus"
I was lucky enough to be introduced to this lil' saint my last trip to Italy, back in '07.
May my prayers be as innocent and true and bold as those of this lovely child.
"Dear Jesus the Crucified I love You so much I love You so I want to stay with You on the Calvary and I suffer with joy because I know I'm on the Calvary. Dear Jesus. I thank You for having sent me this illness because it is a means to get to Paradise. Dear Jesus tell God the Father that I love Him, too. Dear Jesus I want to be Your lamp and Your lily dear Jesus. Dear Jesus give me the strength to bear this pain I offer You for the sinners. Dear Jesus tell the Holy Spirit to enlighten me with love and fill me with Its seven gifts. Dear Jesus tell sweet Virgin Mary that I love Her so much and I want to stay with Her on the Calvary because I want to be Your victim of love dear Jesus. Dear Jesus I entrust my father confessor to You and grant him every necessary favour. Dear Jesus I entrust my parents and my sister Margherita to You. Dear Jesus
Greetings and kisses Antonietta of Jesus"
The Venerable Antonietta Meo (December 15, 1930 – July 3, 1937)
Nennolina pray for us!
.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
ER visits, Faux Heart Attacks, and the Return of the Musical Monk
.
I was talking with a customer the other day, and started to feel both a bit flushed and dizzy. I also noticed a lil' tightness I had been feeling in my upper chest had started to intensify as it centered over my heart. It started to feel as if a large weight was pushing on my chest.
As usual for my type of stupidity, I continued to work through the day, and instead of hospital, I ended up at home with the hope the pressure would subside after laying down a bit. . . it didn't, so I went down to Frederick Memorial and was soon hooked up to all kinds of fun machines (by one of the nicest and most professional staffs I have ever encountered).
Thankfully, all of the tests came back negative, and it seems the heart attack will have to wait until I get the bill (O:
Why am I babbling about this if it was nothing but a lil' damaged muscle?
See, pretty much since leaving NoBe I have had a fairly constant ending to my bedtime prayer
"Please Lord, let me not wake in the morning"
Being now 50, with ALS and no real future other than a wheel chair and assisted living, I have fallen into a very private hell of self pitty, and worse. I know that our Lord loves me, but the knowledge that I will die without a human loving me is a very hard thing to live with . . . granted, I have the full knowledge there is little about me to like, let alone love.
My illness and the death sentence that comes with it, is kinda like knowing there is some maniacal killer out there coming for you, and you have no way to stop him, and no knowledge of when he'll arrive . . . so the stress of waiting starts you trying to find him and get it over with. Mind you, not suicidal, but just oh so ready to leave this place where I never really belonged anyway.
wah, wah, wah, poor lil' me
Like you imaginary reader, God had thankfully had enough, and decided to give me a taste of what I thought I wanted, as me thinks it was his hand pushing on my heart.
He wasn't trying to stop it, but trying to remind me that it was there and that it was His.
I was not put here to be a Father or a Husband
I was not put here to be successful or rich
I was not even put here to be loved
I WAS put here TO love, to show His love, to share His love!
and until I got sick and so full of pride (which self pity really is) I was actually pretty good at that (by His grace).
While I take comfort that many old testament prophets also asked God to take their life, I take greater comfort that He always said "No!" and had them go on to do great things for Him, and for love of Him.
Dear God please forgive me for ever forgetting the so great gift of my life, and my life with the knowledge of You - for that is a gift so many will go to their graves without (but I pray that You use me to decrease that number a bit).
I am not here to be loved, I am here to love, and I better get back to work!
.
.
I was talking with a customer the other day, and started to feel both a bit flushed and dizzy. I also noticed a lil' tightness I had been feeling in my upper chest had started to intensify as it centered over my heart. It started to feel as if a large weight was pushing on my chest.
As usual for my type of stupidity, I continued to work through the day, and instead of hospital, I ended up at home with the hope the pressure would subside after laying down a bit. . . it didn't, so I went down to Frederick Memorial and was soon hooked up to all kinds of fun machines (by one of the nicest and most professional staffs I have ever encountered).
Thankfully, all of the tests came back negative, and it seems the heart attack will have to wait until I get the bill (O:
Why am I babbling about this if it was nothing but a lil' damaged muscle?
See, pretty much since leaving NoBe I have had a fairly constant ending to my bedtime prayer
"Please Lord, let me not wake in the morning"
Being now 50, with ALS and no real future other than a wheel chair and assisted living, I have fallen into a very private hell of self pitty, and worse. I know that our Lord loves me, but the knowledge that I will die without a human loving me is a very hard thing to live with . . . granted, I have the full knowledge there is little about me to like, let alone love.
My illness and the death sentence that comes with it, is kinda like knowing there is some maniacal killer out there coming for you, and you have no way to stop him, and no knowledge of when he'll arrive . . . so the stress of waiting starts you trying to find him and get it over with. Mind you, not suicidal, but just oh so ready to leave this place where I never really belonged anyway.
wah, wah, wah, poor lil' me
Like you imaginary reader, God had thankfully had enough, and decided to give me a taste of what I thought I wanted, as me thinks it was his hand pushing on my heart.
He wasn't trying to stop it, but trying to remind me that it was there and that it was His.
I was not put here to be a Father or a Husband
I was not put here to be successful or rich
I was not even put here to be loved
I WAS put here TO love, to show His love, to share His love!
and until I got sick and so full of pride (which self pity really is) I was actually pretty good at that (by His grace).
While I take comfort that many old testament prophets also asked God to take their life, I take greater comfort that He always said "No!" and had them go on to do great things for Him, and for love of Him.
Dear God please forgive me for ever forgetting the so great gift of my life, and my life with the knowledge of You - for that is a gift so many will go to their graves without (but I pray that You use me to decrease that number a bit).
I am not here to be loved, I am here to love, and I better get back to work!
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