You who dwell in the shelter of the Most High,
who abide in the shadow of the Almighty,
Say to the LORD, "My refuge and fortress,
my God in whom I trust."
Psalm 91
So, where am I? well the answer is found above, but if yer wondering if I know my true vocation after this past weekend, the answer is "no".
I did learn a lot to help me in my discerning process, as well tools to help me grow in my relationship with my Lord. I also was reminded of how God is the great unifier, as the wonderful group of men I spent last weekend, were all very different from each other, with the only clear common factor being our mutual love for the One who loved us first. Learning also, that I could easily see myself working along side any of these fine servants, all the rest of my days.
This was my first retreat, and I completely admit that I did not want to go, as I was so scared of the answer I might receive over the weekend. I still struggle with my own desires of wife and family, over my truest, purest desire, to serve my loving Father the best way I can, and more to the point, to serve in the way He designed me to.
I actually had very little peace the first day, as I realized that I was being overly pious in how I related to God, especially by leaving out my own goals and dreams. I forgot how much He loves me, and how His desire for me is really the same as mine . . .that I serve Him, in whatever vocation, with all my heart. When I finally said "Lord I want to serve you, but I so miss having a hand to hold ", instead of a feeling of condemnation for my selfish desires, I felt my Brother Jesus' presence, and His hand in mine.
I not only pondered my relationship with my King, but also my relationships with people. I realized that I am a great, super romantic, boyfriend; but how does that translate to a solid virtuous husband. Husband or priest, I know that I am called to lay down my life for whoever I marry, to put the other first in all things. With God, that's a little easier, as I totally trust His will and His motives; where with another person, motives can change as easily as moods, and make as little sense. After last years engagement disaster, I must admit that trusting another person ain't the easiest thing, but also the very thing I need to correct in my thinking if I am to truly serve God the best I can.
"Holy Indifference" was the phrase that stuck out over the weekend. For me to cast all my cares on God, and to "completely" resign myself to His plan; to know that like Aslan, God's will may not be tame, but oh "it is Good!".
Please Keep praying for me, and all the men in the photo, that we will all surrender ourselves to the will of the Father, and continue to love and serve, in whatever way He has chosen.
Say to the LORD, "My refuge and fortress,
my God in whom I trust."
Psalm 91
So, where am I? well the answer is found above, but if yer wondering if I know my true vocation after this past weekend, the answer is "no".I did learn a lot to help me in my discerning process, as well tools to help me grow in my relationship with my Lord. I also was reminded of how God is the great unifier, as the wonderful group of men I spent last weekend, were all very different from each other, with the only clear common factor being our mutual love for the One who loved us first. Learning also, that I could easily see myself working along side any of these fine servants, all the rest of my days.
This was my first retreat, and I completely admit that I did not want to go, as I was so scared of the answer I might receive over the weekend. I still struggle with my own desires of wife and family, over my truest, purest desire, to serve my loving Father the best way I can, and more to the point, to serve in the way He designed me to.
I actually had very little peace the first day, as I realized that I was being overly pious in how I related to God, especially by leaving out my own goals and dreams. I forgot how much He loves me, and how His desire for me is really the same as mine . . .that I serve Him, in whatever vocation, with all my heart. When I finally said "Lord I want to serve you, but I so miss having a hand to hold ", instead of a feeling of condemnation for my selfish desires, I felt my Brother Jesus' presence, and His hand in mine.
I not only pondered my relationship with my King, but also my relationships with people. I realized that I am a great, super romantic, boyfriend; but how does that translate to a solid virtuous husband. Husband or priest, I know that I am called to lay down my life for whoever I marry, to put the other first in all things. With God, that's a little easier, as I totally trust His will and His motives; where with another person, motives can change as easily as moods, and make as little sense. After last years engagement disaster, I must admit that trusting another person ain't the easiest thing, but also the very thing I need to correct in my thinking if I am to truly serve God the best I can.
"Holy Indifference" was the phrase that stuck out over the weekend. For me to cast all my cares on God, and to "completely" resign myself to His plan; to know that like Aslan, God's will may not be tame, but oh "it is Good!".
Please Keep praying for me, and all the men in the photo, that we will all surrender ourselves to the will of the Father, and continue to love and serve, in whatever way He has chosen.
"Because he clings to me, I will deliver him;
I will set him on high because he acknowledges my name.
He shall call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in distress. '
In you, my God, I place my trust.
.I will set him on high because he acknowledges my name.
He shall call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in distress. '
In you, my God, I place my trust.
3 comments:
That is very encouraging, Michael. You and I sound so much alike.
I haven't been on a retreat of any kind since my college InterVarsity days.
So is that why yer heading to Kentucky?
It's a number of things. I'll be close to family (an hour drive away in Southern Indiana). It's less expensive (though that will be offset by the need for a vehicle).
Chicago has been an incredible 18 years of my life, but I feel this chapter's come to a close. It's harder for me to find beauty in the big city.
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