Recently, while kneeling in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament during Wednesday evening Adoration at my parish, I looked up to see two little children, walking past with their mom. I smiled, and thought of what it would be like to be a father, but sadly I heard God whisper "not for you Michael", and my heart sank.It took a few minutes to get over that, and offer up again, that it be His will, and that I have complete trust in His ultimate plan for my life. I prayed to know what to do with this knowledge, if it meant that I am in fact called to religious life . . . . . . .silence . . . . . . .I asked if this meant that marriage is out . . . . . . silence . . . . . ."I guess You just want me to keep focusing on You" was my thought, and "Yes" was the answer in my soul.
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness,
and all these things will be added to you"
Matthew 6:33
and all these things will be added to you"
Matthew 6:33
He will take care of whatever I need, and whatever is in my best interest, and which will serve His kingdom best. I resigned myself to this, and continued in prayer and devotions, and just quiet time in the real presence of my Savior, King, and Best Friend. I prayed for those that had died, for those that are ill, for my family, for my friends, and for my enemies.
I ended my prayer time asking for two things. First, I asked God to please show me how He wants me to serve Him. I than went onto my second petition, that He would let me marry. As knelt before Him just prior to leaving, I thanked Him for all He has carried me through, and for all my blessings.
As I walked in great peace to the neighborhood Whole Foods, to indulge in my post Adoration pizza, I was stopped by an incredibly lovely older woman, who went on to ask if I would like to help with a Catholic youth group (she had seen me around DC Catholic haunts for a while now . . . . .and O.K., I may have accidentally noticed her once or twice too). Excited at the thought that both my prayers were so quickly answered, I may have overwhelmed her a bit . . .but I kinda do that to people anyway (Baltimore boy, remember). While I did admit to her the first prayer, I prudently kept the second to myself, for fear of seeing a cloud of dust, where seconds earlier had stood a fetching Catholic lass.
O.K., One prayer answered, or two? either way, I had a huge grin on my face the rest of the evening, and I found joy in thinking that perhaps our Lord may have been smiling as well.
Anyway, I think that it was perhaps only the first prayer answered (although, woulda been a great story for the grand kids), but even still, it was an awesome demonstration to me that God does in fact "listen" to our prayers. It also helped me realized how deeply I do kinda desire marriage, and now just have to discern if God wants that desire to see fruition, or if giving up that desire be a sacrifice He wishes.
.
I ended my prayer time asking for two things. First, I asked God to please show me how He wants me to serve Him. I than went onto my second petition, that He would let me marry. As knelt before Him just prior to leaving, I thanked Him for all He has carried me through, and for all my blessings.
As I walked in great peace to the neighborhood Whole Foods, to indulge in my post Adoration pizza, I was stopped by an incredibly lovely older woman, who went on to ask if I would like to help with a Catholic youth group (she had seen me around DC Catholic haunts for a while now . . . . .and O.K., I may have accidentally noticed her once or twice too). Excited at the thought that both my prayers were so quickly answered, I may have overwhelmed her a bit . . .but I kinda do that to people anyway (Baltimore boy, remember). While I did admit to her the first prayer, I prudently kept the second to myself, for fear of seeing a cloud of dust, where seconds earlier had stood a fetching Catholic lass.
O.K., One prayer answered, or two? either way, I had a huge grin on my face the rest of the evening, and I found joy in thinking that perhaps our Lord may have been smiling as well.
Anyway, I think that it was perhaps only the first prayer answered (although, woulda been a great story for the grand kids), but even still, it was an awesome demonstration to me that God does in fact "listen" to our prayers. It also helped me realized how deeply I do kinda desire marriage, and now just have to discern if God wants that desire to see fruition, or if giving up that desire be a sacrifice He wishes.
Either or, I am loved and heard!
.
2 comments:
Well, hang in there, Michael! I think very highly of bolts from the blue--like beautiful ladies asking one to help with youth groups.
Thanks, and I must say it is quite an honor to have you stop by my humble blog.
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