To be read, or not to be read?

I must confess that I have been a little excited lately by the increased visits my humble blog is getting, mainly do to some more prominent bloggers' mentioning yer monkster at their sites.

Before, I only had a couple of friends who were/are very loyal readers, or more importantly, very loyal supporters of the Monk (friends rawk!). I have to admit that knowing they read my ramblings, has 'caused me to stay away from certain subjects, or at least downplay others, as I am not a journalist (except, this is kind of a journal?), but someone who is trying to learn to write/communicate better, as well as airing out my over IQ'd noggin.

Now, with others reading, especially people I am coming to respect and admire, I find my self doing a bit more self censoring. I am not saying that in the PG vs. R rating kinda censoring, but in my choice of what I expose of my own failings.

Earlier this week, I wrote of how sad I was at the suicide of someone in my industry, but than omitted a paragraph where I wrote of my own attempts to give back this precious gift of life. I realized now how wrong that was, as while I am ashamed of those actions, I can now boast of the One who ripped those desires from my heart, replacing them with joy and a "peace that passes understanding".

My Jesus, please forgive me!

If I water down my past, do I dilute the power of the Gospel in my life? If I don't admit the prison I was once in, does this new freedom really mean anything? If I am afraid to speak of my oh so great sins, am I in fact saying I don't need/have a great Savior? (and Oh, my sins have been great, but He is Always, repeat, Always, greater still!).

The odd thing is that I have actually come to thank God for all the events of my past, as I pray that my trials may one day be a blessing to another ('cause "all things work for the good"). My brothers and sisters, I apologize for my omissions, as well as anything of a painful nature I may ever write about in the future, but my goal is to show the great work our Lord is doing in the life of this wacky ol' wannabe musical monk.

"Instead, speaking the truth in love,
we will in all things grow up into him
who is the Head, that is, Christ."
Ephesians 4:15